The modern feminist ideal of the “strong woman” is physically strong, tough, stoic, intelligent, fiercely independent, and capable of doing everything a man can do just as well as he could, if not better. She is, in a word, masculine. This depiction of what makes a woman strong equates strength with masculinity. In an effort to tell women they are strong and valued and empowered, people with this image of strength in mind actually tell women their femininity is synonymous with weakness. Telling women that devoting their lives to being wives and mothers and serving in the home is not living up to their potential, or that they would never want to do so if they were properly “empowered” and “liberated,” is really quite insulting to women. It tells us that our unique roles are worth less than men’s roles. It tells us that if we don’t devote our lives to a career, and instead devote our lives to our husbands and children, we might as well be throwing our whole lives away.
This is not to say that no women will be called to careers, or to serve in more traditionally masculine roles like being soldiers or politicians. St. Joan of Arc served as a military leader in the Middle Ages. Deborah served as a prophetess and Esther as a queen in the Old Testament. In Plato’s Republic, though the ruling philosopher-kings were most often men, if a woman had the necessary wisdom of what was good for the state, she could and should be made a philosopher-queen. It should not be too much of a surprise, then, that in our own time there are some women called to serve in the military and in the workforce. A woman can do many of the roles that men more often do. But she can never be a man. She can never be a son or a brother or a husband or a father. She can never be a priest, which is a spiritual father. She will always be a daughter and a sister and a wife and a mother.
I met a religious sister once who explained to me that even though she was called to be a virgin and never to bear children of her own, she would always be a mother in a spiritual sense to the people that she served. She told me that the question for women is not whether she will be a wife and a mother, because these things are part of what being a woman is, but the question is how she will live these roles out. She lives them out in religious life. Many women will live them out by being a homemaker, but some will live them out in their careers. The fact that not every single woman is called to the role of homemaker is not an issue. The issue is that being a homemaker is seen as less than other roles. While some feminists would see no women being homemakers as a victory for women, it really would be a most terrible loss. Being first and foremost a mother and a wife is seen as a waste, when it should be seen as a beautiful and dignified way to live out our virtue in a uniquely feminine way.
The “strong woman” does not need a man. But that is ridiculous– of course we need men. Women need men as much as men need us. Men and women both are of infinite dignity, created in the image and likeness of God. Some arguments that women and men have different roles sadly and wrongly include the argument that men and women are not equal in dignity. Some argue that women should “stay in the kitchen” because they are worth less than men. But the feminists calling for women to be “liberated” from being homemakers agree that serving in the home is lesser than serving in the public sphere. In reality, men and women complement each other and build each other up by serving in different and equally beautiful and dignified roles. Just as woman was made from man, so man was born from woman. We need each other.
Men and women should view one another as brothers and sisters, our fellow travelers in the pilgrimage of this life, not as opponents in the battle of the sexes. Seeing one another as enemies is ultimately destructive to both men and women. Affirming the infinite dignity of women should never cause us to deny the infinite dignity of men. Empowering women should never be done by tearing men down. Women being more empowered should make men also more empowered, not less. We are not each other’s enemies. We are each other’s brothers and sisters, husbands and wives, fathers and mothers, sons and daughters.
Women who are called to the vocation of marriage are called to submit to their husbands. This is hard for many of us to hear. Of course it is– the flesh, the world, and the devil tempt us to submit to nothing but our own base appetites. They tell us we should love ourselves first. We should never have to submit; others should have to submit to us. We should not have to serve; others should have to serve us. For women to deny this lie and submit to God’s will, to deny this lie and submit to their husbands, is difficult. It always has been and always will be. The gate is narrow and the way steep that leads us home to Heaven.
But women are not the only ones called to do something difficult in choosing love and service over our own pride. When St. Paul tells wives to submit to their husbands, he also tells husbands to love their wives as Christ loves the Church. Christ loves the Church perfectly and selflessly. Christ loved the Church by completely giving Himself to her and for her. Christ loved the Church by dying for her. Husbands and wives are both called to the difficult task of putting aside pride and prioritizing love.
The Virgin Mary is the ultimate example of a truly strong woman. Her strength is not in spite of her femininity, but because of it. She lives out universal virtues in a uniquely feminine way. She is courageous and humble and wise. She is full of faith and hope and charity. No man could have fulfilled the role God called her to fulfill. Mary bore God in her womb. She nursed Him at her breast. She is the Theotokos–the Mother of God. Mary is exalted above the other saints. She is the Queen of Heaven, the mother of the King. No man, no matter how empowered or entitled or privileged, no matter how wise and brave and good, no matter how holy and righteous and virtuous, could have served in the same way that Mary served. No man can be a mother. That beautiful role is uniquely reserved for women. Men and women are alike in dignity, but serve in different and complementary roles, building up each other and the Kingdom of God.
